Can Anybody Hear Me?

Its like when I look in the mirror My vision of myself becomes more clearer. I'm confused why am I here? Why is everything in My life built on fear? Afraid of failure but its like I'm scared to succeed? But I feel that money and women is all that I need. I was born to die so its pointless to try To work hard when everything is going to waste. To only be replaced by an infant who starts to set the clock on his little life the instant he takes his 1st breathe he starts to smell the not so tasty meal of death that's starts to cook the moment he takes his 1st look. Is it he that killed me or was it the lord who says I shouldn't live and more? Or did I kill myself by living in this life? Why aren't we born with a knife? So when can choose wether we want to forfeit this life that may not be fit for me if It was that easy I wonder how many would make that choice to listen to that voice in your head that's says "do it " but you choose not to instead you keep going break hearts and hurting feelings in the process from an infant you haven't really made that much progress. Then you try sex and its good but its less than you expected but you kinda got addicted to this girl that you mess with. Then she starts this mess with your sister who was born 2 years after you now you forced to choose its just something that you gotta do so now you like a deer in head lights tryna get your head right because either way you go you know that you left something behind and remote is broke so you can press rewind because it aint enough time and I aint got enough lines to tell about the how well you sell yourself out and made the wrong choice and took a bad route.
I use a paint brush because the pen aint got enough life in it so when I write about My life its like you live in it. Now that I discussed My vision more clearly. How many girls are scared to come near me?How many guys are starting to fear me? I wonder how many people can really hear me?